I love fall. I love the changing colors of all the leaves. I love the smell of crisp autumn air. I love jeans, boots, scarves, sweaters, and leggings! I especially love turning on the fire place curled up with a blanket, reading a good book or study. There is really nothing about the fall time that I don't love. It's the relief from the summer heat, the sun is still warm on your face but there is no longer a need to escape it. But, God in all His glory, has chosen to keep us in Florida for this season. Do you know what fall time in Florida looks like? Nothing, it looks like nothing. It is the middle of October and currently sunny and 84* with 60% humidity. Basically its summer but you don't immediately burn to death when you walk on the pavement. What a glorious place to keep a person who longs for fall.
I am so thirsty, no like really, I'm currently drinking a huge glass of water. But spiritually I am so dry. Experts say that you know your body is in the beginning stages of dehydration when you begin thirsting for water. Once you no longer thirst for water (assuming you didn't just hydrate yourself) it's because you body is now in full fledged dehydration. You hit mild dehydration when 1-2% of the water content in your body has been depleted. Do you know how small those numbers are! But your body starts reacting to it, you get a dry mouth, you're more tired, you can become lightheaded or have headaches, your skin is more toxic (Hello adult acne!), and your muscles begin to cramp. I'm only telling you the fun symptoms to save your stomaches! But once you're past mild dehydration, once you've allowed your bodies water content to drop to 5% or 6% you start having some real problems. You look sick with sunken eyes, dry skin and skin that doesn't plump back up once touched. You get low blood pressure, rapid heart beat and rapid breathing. And if untreated it's life threatening, not immediately, but it works its way through some vital organs giving you liver, joint and muscle damage, kidney stones (avoid at all costs), and chronic constipation. That sounds glorious, doesn't it!?
I drink so much water, especially when I go home to Denver. Y'all, that place it D-R-Y! I step off the plan and immediately my lips shrivel up, my skin is so unbelievably itchy, and my eyes are dry to the point of pain! These are all new experiences for me, because when I lived there it was normal. But not I live in a state where there is as much water in the air as there is in the ocean! If I am careful to hydrate my body, why o why, would I ignore the thirsting of my soul as it stands in the desert places?
"As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before Him." - Psalms 42:1-2
Right now I am dehydrated. Spiritually. I thirst and am not satisfied, not because the living spring has run dry but because I have thirsted, ignored and gone to the point of severe dehydration. When you step into a desert season in life and that mild dehydration sets in, you sleep. That's my go to, I'm so overwhelmed in life that I sleep. I'm not depressed and I'm not anything else, my soul is weary and I never have rest. God in His infinite mercy and His unfailing wisdom pulls me from my slumbering soul and speaks directly to my spirit. He calls my name. And so I cry, and I long for comfort. I long to be relieved of this fire, this heat. I wish I could lay in lush meadows along the streams edge and find rest for my weary bones. But He is sovereign and He is working.
Y'all. Kids are hard. Marriage is hard. Life-ing is hard. And I am spent. My physical body wants to lay down and stay that way for a while. My spirit wants to find rest. My mind never wants to think, or schedule, or request, or remember, or any other thing ever again. My attitude, awful. My eye sight, awful. My speech, awful. My children (God love them), awful. My husband, awful. This is my season right now! And I'm owning it.
And then hope springs! And you praise God, and you say "God! Lord! Lover of my soul! You hear my cries. Praise you". And in a fleeting moment that hope leaves, because sometimes, thats what hope does. And you stand up and decide. Am I anchored in Gods hope, or am I tossed by my feelings. And you act on your decision. Well Im here to tell you that there is still good news in the Good news. He has conquered. He has risen and if He can raise himself from the dead there is no doubt that I will not perish in this desert. I will find rest, IN HIM! Not in a TV show, not in "me time", not in running away to have girl time, not in a book or a coffee or a glass of wine. I will find no rest unless it is anchored in Him.
When fear feels bigger than my faith and struggles steal my breath away
When my backs pressed against the wall, with the weight of my worries stacked up tall
" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
- 2 Timothy 1:7
You're strong enough to hold it all!
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon
me."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9
I will cast my cares on you, you're the anchor of my hope. The only one who's in control. I will cast my cares on you, I'll trade the troubles of this world for your peace inside my soul.
"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light"
- Matthew 11:20-30
And you're still good when I can't see the working of your hands, you're holding it all.
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased."
- Luke 2:14
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